Press Release: The Bright, Shiny Future of X-Plane

Tyler Young

Note: This “press release” was posted April 1.

Hello, I am Austin Meyer, author of X-Plane, and I am announcing some major new improvements and pricing strategies for X-Plane 10.1, due out in a few weeks!

First of all, starting with X-Plane 10.1, we will be removing almost all of the world-wide dynamic scenery that X-Plane is known for. It is simply too much work for us to create, maintain, and improve this kind of massive database, so we are cutting the Global Scenery out of X-Plane starting with version 10.1. Of course, we still need to have some scenery to fly over, so, to keep our jobs simple, we will be cutting the scenery down to the smallest and most geographically isolated area we can imagine: Hawaii. We chose Hawaii because that is such a small area that we can very easily create and distribute it. As well, this tiny flying area will be totally static. There will be no moving cars, no dynamic lighting, and no living cities. No immersive 3-D world loaded with AI cars and planes to fly in. There is simply no need for this complex and dynamic environment and it is actually a very difficult  job for us to continue to provide this stuff for you.

As well, we have grown tired of supplying so many airplanes. It takes effort for us to build the countless airplanes that we do, so we are cutting the fleet way down. Starting with X-Plane 10.1, rather than having about sixty-five airplanes, ranging from the Cessna 172 to the Space Shuttle, with the SR-71, X-15, B-2, Piaggo Avanti, and Boeing 747 in between, we will cut X-Plane down to two airplanes. Both single-engine props. That is simply all of the airplanes that we feel the need to give you in a simulator like this. And, you will no longer be able to design your own airplanes to test how they would fly in reality, as Plane Maker will be removed entirely.  I see no need for anyone to have any planes other than the two that we give you. So, rather than the sixty-five planes that come with X-Plane and the thousands of others that are freely downloadable from the net, and the ability to make any airplane you can imagine for free, you will be restricted to two airplanes. We may let you buy three additional aircraft as add-on purchases at some point in the future, though. These will be incredibly boring single-engine props, though, and will be surprisingly expensive.

Also new for 10.1 will be a new “flight model” for X-Plane! Unlike previous versions of X-Plane, this model will not have unneeded things like “accuracy.” We here at Laminar Research feel that “accuracy” is over-rated, and the most important thing that we can do is make sure that X-Plane is so easy to use that nobody feels sad that they cannot fly like a professional on their first flight. Marketing assures us that customers “feel better” if they have no challenge. Certainly, the feeling that you can fly is more important than actually being able to fly. For myself, I cannot think of a single reason that anyone would actually want to know how to fly a real airplane! Better to leave actual flying to someone else, and simply have a game that is accessible to all. So, the new flight model will be designed by our marketing team to be accessible even to toddlers. Starting with 10.1, the actual laws of physics need not be applied… why would the laws of physics matter to anyone? Marketing is more important than physics!

New also will be the removal of all navigation, air traffic control, and real-weather options, since they are somewhat challenging to master and would be too much work to properly code. Since these elements of aviation may pose “challenges” for “some,” we have decided to remove those features from the sim entirely so that nobody can enjoy them.

Also, we will be changing our pricing structure. Version 10.1 will be free, but by the time you have bought the tiniest quantity of add-ons, you will have paid us a notable amount and never be able to expand upon that without paying us more. And more. And more.

Our programmers did notice that this update to X-Plane 10 will make it completely useless, but our marketing team has decided upon the perfect solution to this problem! We are going to “spruce it up” by adding jewels in the sky! You will aim one of the two airplanes you get towards those jewels! When you do so, there will be a little noise that is played, or something like that… our marketing department is still working out the details.

Also, we at Laminar Research have noticed that it is a somewhat formidable achievement to make X-Plane work on Mac, Windows, and Linux. It simply involves a decent amount of knowledge, savvy, and work. Also, we love the constant viruses, crashes, and frustrations that we go through with Windows so frequently, so we have decided to remove support for Mac and Linux and just provide X-Plane on Microsoft Windows. We here at Laminar Research believe that the success of Apple is just a fad, and that Microsoft will be the future of computing, since we all love Microsoft Windows so much, just like we know you do.

So, hopefully this will make X-Plane have more “mass market appeal,” and therefore be a better sim for all of us!

To the future!


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